Surreal
by Lalalily
Summary: Dating James Potter in 2nd year was a total mistake (those damn adolescent hormones!) 3 years later, sparks bloom, Lily's changed, and the tables are turned. Will they fall in or out of love this time? LJ Review! R for later chapters.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer**: Blah, blah, blah... Harry Potter is © JK Rowling, obviously.

**Surreal**

_Prologue_

            I don't know why I said yes to him. Perhaps it was the butterbeer getting to my head. Even though I was in 2nd year, I had some "upper class" friends who could manage to sneak me a few drinks back from Hogsmeade. Yes, they were rather thoughtful. I smiled to myself grimly. Did I really want this happen? I rolled over on my belly and exhaled. The warmth and comfort of my bed had always been soothing to me. On several years, when I blew out my birthday candles, I wished that I could spend the rest of my life in my bed and also succeed in life, becoming a millionaire. But so far, the wishes have deceived me and each night, I broke my back studying. I exhaled again slowly, taking in and memorizing each and every little detail on my ceiling. I was only twelve (soon to be thirteen, hooray!), but I've always been mature for my age. Of course, just hanging out with my friends, I've never showed my side to me and they'd probably laugh so hard that they'd pee their pants if I ever called myself mature. Talk about supportive, eh?

            I did a few more belly-flops on my bed, just having deep thoughts about life, in general. How lucky I was to be here, living in Hogwarts, inside a... safe, protected castle surrounded by friends. But was I really happy? Or perhaps was all this surreal? I don't know... after all, I'm only 12!

            I reached under my bed (and into who knows what) and pulled out a tattered, dilapidated book. It was just a bunch of old paper bounded together by a beautiful, but very worn, black leather. It had been a gift from my sister, Petunia... before I came to Hogwarts. Petunia and I... we were very close. The ties that separated us were that she was a Muggle, I was a witch. After I received my acceptance letter to Hogwarts, we turned into oil and water... never mixing. It was actually quite a pity, really... we were the best of friends before, and things just broke apart after she realized I was a 'freak' - her favorite word to describe me. Yes, loving family, too, hm? My parents... damn, let's not even **go** there.

            I took out my quill and sucked on the tip, deep in thought. It was quite a nasty habit, sucking on the tips of quills. First of all, it tasted horrible and once I sucked the ink right out of the pot! My teeth were black for days, weeks even! Quite a nasty experience and I'd prefer it if it didn't happen again, thank you very much. Anyways, I begin to scrawl the date in the most legible handwriting I could muster at the moment. Suddenly, I stopped. What's the point? Realizing that this is the most I'm going to ever write in this journal, I put it away slowly, making sure the pages didn't rip or the leather didn't snag on who-knows-what under my bed.

            Feeling a tad depressed, I wanted some social in my life right now and walked down to the common room. The first face I saw was James Potter. Oh god, my "boyfriend". I don't even know why I said yes to him. I sank in to peer pressure, I guess. I felt a guilty stab in my stomach. I promised myself I'd never give into peer pressure and lately, I just realized how hard that really was.

            He smiled at me, showing his dimples. Oh sure, he was cute and all... but I don't even know me. He walked over. "Hey you," He grinned, putting his arm around my waist.

            I smiled back at him, but inside I was having a fit. I wish he would take his hand off my waist. Calm down, Lily... calm down.

            "How are you?" The grin was still on his face, but it looked plastered. He cocked his head to one side and stared back curiously at me.

            Oh god, how I hated him in that moment, but I managed to suppress my bulging passion by coating it over with one of my best fake smiles that looked genuinely real. "I'm fine," I replied breezily. "How about you? Quidditch going good?" I pretended to be interested in his reply.

            "Oh, it's going okay, Slytherin is getting better, but I'm confident that Gryffindor will beat them, as usual," He replied to me, looking mystified. I bet he didn't know I liked Quidditch, but he seemed to buy my fake smile and interest. I smiled to myself. I _am_ that good.

            "That's good to know," I nodded. Great, 3 minutes into the conversation and we already ran out of things to say. Great couple we were, eh?

            "Yeah," He replied, looking kind of bored. Hey, I can't blame him.

            "James," I said suddenly... then took a pause. I had to do it. "I got to go to the Library - homework!" I dashed off through the Common Room to the Library faster than you could say 'Lily'. When I made sure I was a good distance away from the entrance of the Common Room, I hung my head down in shame. I should've broken up with him and I had no idea what was holding me back. Maybe it was destiny or anything. I laughed dryly, yeah right.

           I walked into the library. Why am I here again? It's not like I needed to actually fulfill my excuse for a narrow escape. Oh well. Might as well look at some of the selection of books. The librarian greeted me with a smile that was a genuine, real one. It looked kind of freaky to me. Maybe it's because I'm too used to the fake smiles. Whatever, I shrugged the feeling off. I've always been smiling my fake smiles for awhile now. It may seem freaky, but it's really now. Ever since I realized I only had me, myself, and I in this lonely, cold world, I've been like this. Like my last boyfriend, Danny Stuart, said, "Lily, I can't believe your this jaded." Of course, my friends never knew this about me, except maybe Arabella. Arabella Figg... her last name is corny, I know, but names don't judge a person's personality. She was beautiful, inside and out. I loved her like I would've loved my sister. Keyword: **would've**. Anyways, we were best friends since way back when we were ickle firsties. (Should I even call myself an 'ickle firstie' when that was only last year? I am after all, only in 2nd year.) Anyways, we knew all of each other secrets. I think someone made a mistake when my mother got pregnant with Petunia, it felt like she should've given birth to Arabella. That's how close we were to each other and how much we loved each other. It was an amazing bond we shared. I loved it.

            Days passed after the incident with Potter and my passion of resentment toward my 'friends' grew. Ahh, how I hated them. But I came up with a simple solution that would probably take days, weeks, and months even to successfully work. I'd slowly distance myself from them. It doesn't sound like anything, but I just had a feeling, a spark (if you will), that it would.

            After a week, I broke if off with James. It was simple and unnerving, thank God. I didn't care much for him, and I don't think he cared much for me, either. I was quiet and barely talk to him. Great girlfriend, hm? Anyways, glad it was off, I felt like I could finally breathe again.

            And in a way, that was true... I inhaled deeply and smiled toward the setting sun. I could breathe again.


	2. Meetings and Backflips

**Disclaimer**: Sorry for the late chapter!

**Surreal**

_Chapter One – Meetings and Backflips_

_            3 years later…_****

            It was different now. The tables have turned. 5th year has begun. It was awful going home for the summer holidays. Mother and Father were peachy, of course, but over-peachy. They wanted to know so much about me and were too damn over-involved. I enjoyed a lovely string of summer days. The weather wasn't too hot, it wasn't too cold... the sky was a pale blue color that seemed endless. That was the most enjoying thing of summer. Of course, I exchanged letters with my friends - but not the friends back in 2nd year. We started to drift apart, and I guess that was for the better. I made other friends, of course, and they were lovely. We had made plans to meet in Diagon Alley on September 2nd (the day before school started) and spend the night in the Leaky Cauldron. Antoinette Bouvre, named after the tragic, but very extraordinary, Queen of France. We just called her 'Tony' for short because she screeched at us for pronouncing 'Antoinette' wrong and how the English butcher the French language. Anyways, my other friend was Victoria Belluxe. (What's up with my friends being named after monarchs?) She was... interesting, definitely. Always keeping up with the latest fashion and boys, I could relate to her somewhat.

            Relief engulfed me as the second of September rolled by. I had received my Hogwarts letter prior, and made my parents even more proud by becoming a Prefect.

            "Bye, pookie," Mum cooed, kissing me on the cheek and leaving a lipstick mark. I grimaced. 

            "Bye Mum," I replied, almost about to roll my eyes. I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and a long hug. Even though she's annoying, it'd be about another few months until I'd see her again.  
            "Bye Fireball," Father said, opening his arms for a hug. "Hope you do well this term and good luck with the Prefect thing. Plus, don't tell Mum, but I packed some extra wizarding money for you to buy anything else you want at Diagon Alley." He winked.

            I smiled. "Thanks, Dad," I grinned. He was so cool. "I promise I'll write you!" I cried behind my back as I entered Diagon Alley, doing the trick with the brick thing.

            "That's what you say every term! Let's see if you'll keep your promise this time!" He yelled back good naturedly.

            I chuckled silently to myself. My father - the joker.

            I entered and was immediately greeted by my entourage of friends.

            "Lee-lee! 'Ow wundehrful eet eez zat you could make eet todey! I wos so wuhrried zat you wood not show up!" Antoinette shrieked happily as she embraced me with a hug. Her blonde curls were bouncing to and fro, due to her jumping, and her crystalline-blue eyes danced happily. I laughed and smiled. I loved her beautiful French accent and her sweet personality.

            "Wow, I didn't know I was so popular," I replied sarcastically while laughing.

            "Don't give yourself too much credit, Evans," Victoria replied in a fake disapproving tone.

            "Glad to see you, too," I replied casually. "I'm just glad we're all together again."

            "Me too, I 'ave been waiting for deez momehnt for wat seems lak forevuh!" Antoinette sighed. "So 'ap-pee zat we are togethur yet again!"

             "Yes, yes," Victoria shushed us. "Anyways, I've prepared a schedule..."

            "A schedule?" I asked. "Why do we need one?"

            "To get things organized, duh," Victoria rolled her eyes, as if it was obvious.

            "_Ookay_," I replied. "Where's our first stop?"

            "Flourish and Blotts!" Victoria replied promptly. 

            "I can tell theez weel be a very, very lawng day..." Antoinette murmured to herself.

            "Tell me about it," I replied, sighing. The things I do for my friends...

- - - - -

            That day at Diagon Alley was definitely tiring. Strangely, Victoria was mainly focused on getting school supplies and Antoinette was the one who wanted to see the dress robes. With this combination mix, I got all my textbooks, plus some stylish dress robes. Very effective day indeed. The night at the Leaky Cauldron wasn't too bad either, of course, ignoring the fact that Victoria snored through the night and Antoinette stole all the blankets - it was a very successful evening. The next morning, we took a taxi to King's Cross Station and boarded Platform 9 and 3/4's. The ride was very dull, I slept quietly most of the way in the Prefects' compartment (due to the lack of sleep I have received prior to the day). It was quite lovely and none of the other prefects bothered me. The opening ceremony and feast were wonderful. Classes the first day was lovely. In fact, everything ran so smoothly until the very first Prefect meeting.

            "Order, order," Martha Krumshaw demanded, crossing her arms, looking disapprovingly at the Prefects which surrounded the large, circular wooden-oak table. Martha Krumshaw was this year's Head Girl and Billy Joel was Head Boy. Two blundering idiots from Ravenclaw, I don't know how exactly they landed the position of Head students.

            "Welcome to Hogwart's very first prefect meeting," Billy Joel declared grandly. "I am Billy Joel, your Head Boy, and Martha Krumshaw, the Head Girl."

            Martha bowed, as if she was expecting applause.

            Silence.

            Even more silence.

            Billy cleared his throat promptly. "All right, well, since for many of the new Prefects, it's their first time here," He started. "And might I say well done on taking the 1st years back to their new dormitories. It went very smoothly which is always nice to hear."

            "God, this is boring," Kyle Andrews murmured to himself, picking at his nails. He was sitting right next to me and obviously not very good at keeping quiet.

            "Tell me about it," Alyssa Henders replied, rolling her exquisite eyes. "I don't know how Krumshaw and Joel got the part of Head Students. Even **I'm** more qualified than Martha." She scoffed.

            "Shut up," I hissed at them. This _was_ the first Prefect's meeting and I _did _want to do a good job.

            "Miss Evans, is there something you would like to say?" Martha asked me, raising and eyebrow and staring at me with a glance as if I dared to question her authority.

            "No," I replied. 

            "10 points from Gryffindor, you really ought to keep your mouth shut in these meetings, Lily," Martha replied, smirking a bit.

            Ugh,  what a prissy bitch. Everyone knew Ravenclaw loved to take away points from Gryffindor - it gave them to feeling of self-satisfaction.

            "That was really unfair," Another voice whispered into my ear. I turned around... James Potter was talking to me. He was grinning that lopsided grin of his, his hair unruly, and his piercing blue eyes staring straight back at me. He had beautiful eyes, highlighted with his curly eyelashes that I could dance upon. It had been 3 years since I've talked to him, and quite shockingly, I don't know why I haven't talked to him sooner.

            "I know," I replied hastily, not wanting to start too much conversation and getting in trouble again.

            "So what's up, how you been?" He asked perkily. It seemed like almost if he wanted to know.

            "Mister Potter, Miss Evans - talking again!?" Billy snapped. "20 points from Gryffindor and I'll be taking away your badges if you talk again!"

            "Sorry," I mumbled. Great - first day of being prefect and already the Head Students have threatened to take away my badge.

            James didn't say anything, but from the corner of my eye, he shot me his grin. His wickedly fantastic, lopsided grin.

            My stomach started doing back flips... and I had no idea why.


	3. Old Feelings Flame Up

**Disclaimer**: See Chapter One.

**A/N**: Hope you enjoy, sweets. It's been a year, it's about time I've been back, don't you think? Sorry I didn't write anything longer. Yes, it took me a year to come up with _this_, it's incredibly sad and totally unexcusable, but I really need to stop, think, and plan out this story which I am going to do… very soon.

**Surreal**

_Chapter Three - Old Feelings Flame Up_

"Wow, Lily," James remarked to me while gathering his books and catching up with me out of the classroom. One by one, the prefects all filed out slowly, looking tired and yawning. Probably because that stupid Martha Krumshaw was too boring. "I never knew you were the one to talk, let alone get points taken away from Gryffindor."

"Shut up," I muttered, cutting him off. I didn't want to "accidentally" flirt with him, nor even talk to him. "Today... it's just kind of a bad day for me, okay? I guess it was just because _you_ were talking to me so Martha and Billy took away points from Gryffindor!"

"Ouch," James commented. "Harsh. That hurt, Lily. Brutal."

I couldn't help but be amused. Yes, he was right - I was being harsh. But I had just lost, what? 30 points for Gryffindor? He was probably used to it since he always lost a couple of hundred of points a day because of those stupid pranks he pulled. That still wasn't going to make me feel better. No way was he getting off the hook. I shrugged at him.

"Well, it _was_ unfair what had happened to you," He replied slowly. "Don't think too much about it, okay?"

"Trust me, I'm trying _not_ to," I replied through gritted teeth.

"Martha's just jealous because you're super fantastic," James commented.

"I'm so sure. Thanks for stroking the ego, there, James," I replied sarcastically.

He had something going for him. I just couldn't hate him, let alone stay mad at him.

"I'm oh so glad Lily," James replied sarcastically, grinning. "Anyways, where ya goin'?"

I shrugged. "Maybe to the Common Room or to the Library, my friend, Tony, oh, I mean, Antoinette needs help with her Charms essay, so naturally, I'm helping her."

"Oh really?" James replied interestedly as one of his eyebrows shot up. "So maybe next time _I'm_ struggling in Charms, you'd be there to save me? Neat."

"Not necessarily," I replied, finding it hard to surpress a grin. Ugh, okay, maybe I was flirting a _little_ bit, as much as I would hate to admit. There's just... something about James. Ew, I still can't believe he's my _ex_. God, I was so damn stupid. Silently, I thanked God for becoming the smart and witty little vixen I am today. Although I'm not religious.

"Wait, Antoinette? The really hot, foreign, french-exchange student?" He grinned wickedly and licked his bottom lip.

I stopped walking and slapped him. Hard. Maybe he was a disgusting pervert in disguise after all. "You're disgusting, James. Don't hit on my friends."

"You know you love me." He smirked and moved closer to me. We were inches apart. "If you don't want me hitting on your friends, shall I hit on you instead?"

I rolled my eyes and pushed him away. "Nice try, Potter. But just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I necessarily have to like you."

"Ooh, touché, Miss Evans, touché." James chuckled. "I like that."

I laughed dryly. "Please tell me this is just an act that you do to try to get girls to like you."

"It works like a charm," he breathed. "Usually."

"Potter, you are _pathetic_," I laughed as I pushed him away.

"You know you love me," he repeated, smirking as usual.

"Oh, really?" I grinned and left.

- -

What was I doing? I knew all my feelings for James vanished when I broke it off. Feelings, feelings, feelings... did I even feel anything for him? It was _James_, after all. Sure, he was a charismatic, good-looking, confident, funny guy. He was, in every way, perfect. All these feelings were rushing back to me. Did I even feel this way when I was with him? I know I did feel _something_. Maybe it _wasn't_ the butterbeer going to my head. Whenever I thought about him, he made my knees feel week, my stomach flip, my heart beat faster... but, surely, that doesn't mean I like him, right?

I sighed to myself.

I guess this is what you would call "the James Potter effect". It was a disease that I was currently suffering from.

Along with a million other girls.

What a depressing thought

The door slammed shut.

"Hey, Tony," I answered automatically. "Where's Elizabeth?"

"I think in the Library studying or eating with the house elves." Tony chuckled. "She adores the chocolate chip cookies they make."

I laughed. Elizabeth and her cookies...

"What's up? How was the first Prefect meeting of the year?" Tony asked.

I barely looked up and sighed. "It was pretty shitty. I got in trouble by Martha Krumshaw _and_ Billy Joel for talking to James Potter."

Tony rasied an eyebrow. "Ooh, I don't think you want to get on the bad side of Martha Krumshaw or Billy Joel. Ravenclaws... they just never learn. But, James, eh? That's very interesting..." Tony grinned.

I rolled my eyes and threw a pillow at her. I knew she was joking, but suddenly I was scared. I didn't want Tony to know about... my blossoming feelings for a certain James Potter. "It's not like that." Well, yes it was. But Tony _definitely _did not need to know.

"He's a git." Tony murmured. "Stupid moron."

"Definitely," I agreed. "Total arsehole."

I replayed what had happened outside the Prefects' meeting room today. He was so close. I could still remember the scent of his cologne, the exactly browness of his beautiful eyes, and the exact measurements where his adorable dimples caved in. I couldn't control myself, but I was slowly becoming obsessed. I couldn't stop thinking about it. What was it about him?

"Guess what, Lily?" Tony asked.

"Martha Krumshaw died?" I ventured.

Tony laughed. "She's a bitch, everybody knows that. Anyways, I don't need your help with Charms homework!"

"You finally got it?" I asked. "I'm so proud!"

"No, I just got the answers in the hallway," Tony laughed. "Amos Diggory is sure swell."

"Swell? What a peachy way of describing him," I replied. "You shouldn't cheat, you know. You should learn how to actually _do_ it."

"That's _so_ old," Tony replied. "Cheating is the new form of studying."

"But it's not really studying, it's still cheating," Lily explained.

"_But_ it's the _new_ form of studying," Tony repeated. "And, in life, shouldn't we try out everything at least once?"

"Tony, dear, stop trying to be philisophical and in this case, _no_, we should not try out everything at least once, so please return the answers."

Tony stared at me. "Oh, shut up, Lily."


End file.
